Wednesday, June 18, 2003
Had a really good time today! Although the participants are lousy, had a good time laughing at how slack they are, good companions and good dinner too.. Managed to meet up with Danping today, treated her with my first allowance! =) Niow at least don't feel so guilty about neglecting her last week. Looking forward to the next week when she finally finished her attachment and the 3 of us are going to be down at club for 4 consecutive days..Yeah, one more person to play with me! Think I really need a break after that, hopefully our holiday plans in July can be carried out at long last. Bintan trip is canceled due to my two lousy friends, sigh..going to miss Wendy and she'll kill us the next time she's back.
Tuesday, June 17, 2003
Just happened to see Mingjie online and we talked about the many touching incidents that had happened among the instructors, I only witness one or two of these incidents but it did warm my heart too. Read Serene's email this morning, and she also mentioned about feeling quite bonded to them after the ATC. Hmm..really miss that kind of feeling. I was with them throughout the Pre-IPC and IPC period, but mainly due to ATF and later on due to SIE, I wasn't with them for the most part of the actual course. Perhaps its a pity too, but don't feel as much as the previous few times when I left for Brunei, then Thailand. Maybe it's really due to role that I'm playing among all of them, although most of the time I was supposed to play the officer role, but mostly I also did whatever they are going through. Its already less stressful than previously but as for my commitment level this time round, personally I feel that its a lot lesser too. =P
The first touching incident to me happened during the very last day of the IPC, when I witnessed a few of the boys dropping tears at moments of guilt & anguish and Yaohui made a very touching speech, I was indeed quite touched by him. The second time was the seond day of ATC when Yijun was about to go off to Ireland, I could see that he really couldn't bear to leave and was very touched by the farewell song we had made up for him. And then on Sunday as I'm about to leave, was so tempted to join them for campfire when Pui Mun and Michelle asked me to go back, was quite touched by the look on their faces and for that moment, I couldn't bear to leave as well. I wasn't around the last two incidents on Monday when they celebrated Weiliang's birthday at midnight and also after ATC, they went to send Qianying off at the airport to sing the song 'I'll Be'' for her. Wonderful memories for everyone..
The first touching incident to me happened during the very last day of the IPC, when I witnessed a few of the boys dropping tears at moments of guilt & anguish and Yaohui made a very touching speech, I was indeed quite touched by him. The second time was the seond day of ATC when Yijun was about to go off to Ireland, I could see that he really couldn't bear to leave and was very touched by the farewell song we had made up for him. And then on Sunday as I'm about to leave, was so tempted to join them for campfire when Pui Mun and Michelle asked me to go back, was quite touched by the look on their faces and for that moment, I couldn't bear to leave as well. I wasn't around the last two incidents on Monday when they celebrated Weiliang's birthday at midnight and also after ATC, they went to send Qianying off at the airport to sing the song 'I'll Be'' for her. Wonderful memories for everyone..
For the first time in the past two months, I'm able to view the Funkygrad forums again.. Yeah, think this week is really a much better one for me! =) Even the weather is nice enough to offer me free air-con last night, fortunately this morning I can sleep all I want. Finally I'm back home to stay for more than two nights at one go, think my parents are really glad to see me. Can't believe it, they're really in good mood since I'm home. Heh.. even giving me extra allowance again! That's the best part, because I can forsee that my bank a/c is going to reach a new low point as the long holiday drags on while I keep canceling my tuition due to the camps. Think I'm quite fortunate that they're really encouraging me to slack while I still can afford to, and both are optimistically forseeing that I won't be working so soon..
Another piece of good news, the 5th book of Harry Potter- The Order of the Pheonix is going to be out this Sat! Had been putting off the potter chase for the last 3 year.. Think I will be going to the book store to make a pre-order today..
Another piece of good news, the 5th book of Harry Potter- The Order of the Pheonix is going to be out this Sat! Had been putting off the potter chase for the last 3 year.. Think I will be going to the book store to make a pre-order today..
Reba McEntire - I'll Be
When darkness falls upon your heart and soul.
I'll be the light that shines for you.
When you forget how beautiful you are
I'll be there to remind you.
When you can't find your way,
I'll find my way to you.
When troubles come around,
I will come to you.
I'll be your shoulder when you need someone to lean on.
Be your shelter.
When you need someone to see you through.
I'll be there to carry you.
I'll be there.
I'll be the rock that will be strong for you.
The one that will hold on to you.
When you feel that rain falling down.
When there's nobody else around.
I'll be.
And when you're there with no one there to hold.
I'll be the arms that reach for you.
And when you feel your faith is running low.
I'll be there to believe in you.
When all you find are lies.
I'll be the truth you need.
When you need someone to run to .
You can run to me
I'll be your shoulder when you need someone to lean on.
Be your shelter.
When you need someone to see you through.
I'll be there to carry you.
I'll be there.
I'll be the rock that will be strong for you.
The one that will hold on to you.
When you feel that rain falling down.
When there's nobody else around.
I'll be.
I'll be the sun.
When your heart's filled with rain.
I'll be the one.
To chase the rain away.
A nice song for the campfire, and heard from Miss Giam that they had a really wonderful time..
When darkness falls upon your heart and soul.
I'll be the light that shines for you.
When you forget how beautiful you are
I'll be there to remind you.
When you can't find your way,
I'll find my way to you.
When troubles come around,
I will come to you.
I'll be your shoulder when you need someone to lean on.
Be your shelter.
When you need someone to see you through.
I'll be there to carry you.
I'll be there.
I'll be the rock that will be strong for you.
The one that will hold on to you.
When you feel that rain falling down.
When there's nobody else around.
I'll be.
And when you're there with no one there to hold.
I'll be the arms that reach for you.
And when you feel your faith is running low.
I'll be there to believe in you.
When all you find are lies.
I'll be the truth you need.
When you need someone to run to .
You can run to me
I'll be your shoulder when you need someone to lean on.
Be your shelter.
When you need someone to see you through.
I'll be there to carry you.
I'll be there.
I'll be the rock that will be strong for you.
The one that will hold on to you.
When you feel that rain falling down.
When there's nobody else around.
I'll be.
I'll be the sun.
When your heart's filled with rain.
I'll be the one.
To chase the rain away.
A nice song for the campfire, and heard from Miss Giam that they had a really wonderful time..
Thursday, June 12, 2003
If life has ups and downs, then I think I must be really experiencing one of the down times. Argghhh.. I really hate this and I really hope I will pass this tough time without killing myself or anyone. Haven't been getting this kind of nauseous feeling for a long time.. ever since I was slogging for exams maybe. Sigh sigh sigh.. it's disgusting, really feel like murdering someone out there suddenly. If there's a murder case at Sembawang, I thinK I will be the one responsible for it. Haiz, think I'm really too drained (stealing serene's favourite lyrics "I feel it in my fingers, I feel it in my toes") and everything doesn't seemed to be right suddenly (frustration, frustration..mustn't let it get me), hopefully tomorrow when I'm at ATC can get too busy to think about anything again. I did have a lot of fun at the ATF course, but when I got back here, I feel really so overwhelmed and somehow quite sad also. The idea of booking back there tomorrow again is not too appealing, but I think I'm glad to leave everything behind again. Really glad that Serene will be around during ATC, maybe there'll be time when we will slack together and I can talk to her, today went back just to see her but we only managed to talk a while before rushing back to pack our stuff and rest. Yeah, more about that tmr, if things are going well. Sigh, quite bad of me to use the blog to vent things out, but I really can feel myself fading away, whatever can give me back the strength I need? Tmr will be a better day..=)
Alright, now I'm feeling better. Think I'm only packing two days of the ATC stuff with me, as most likely I won't be back after SIE training. Doesn't seemed too practical for me to go back, since its only left with campfire and camp closing. I'm sad to be missing out the campfire again, the last course when they had the campfire was also the last night at the village in Thailand for me, and I was thinking that I'm missing out on the most fun part of the camp and things back here. Went to see Mr Seong today, and we have the agreement that I will be the 2nd I/C of the camp, so I'm crossing my fingers that nothing will go wrong and that he'll be around the whole time.
Alright, now I'm feeling better. Think I'm only packing two days of the ATC stuff with me, as most likely I won't be back after SIE training. Doesn't seemed too practical for me to go back, since its only left with campfire and camp closing. I'm sad to be missing out the campfire again, the last course when they had the campfire was also the last night at the village in Thailand for me, and I was thinking that I'm missing out on the most fun part of the camp and things back here. Went to see Mr Seong today, and we have the agreement that I will be the 2nd I/C of the camp, so I'm crossing my fingers that nothing will go wrong and that he'll be around the whole time.
Sometimes Love Just Ain't Enough
Written:Patty Smyth/Glen Burtnik Vocal:Patty Smyth/Don Henley
I don't wanna lose you,
I don't wanna use you
just to have sombody by my side
And I don't wanna hate you
I don't wanna take you
But I don't wanna be the one to cry
That don't really matter to anyone, anymore
But like a fool I keep losing my place
And I keep seeing you walk through that door
But there's a danger in loving somebody too much
And its sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are
Baby sometimes love just ain't enough
Now I could never change you
I don't wanna blame you
Baby you don't have to take the fall
Yes I may have hurt you
But I did not desert you
Maybe I just want to have it all
It makes a sound like thunder
It makes me feel like rain
And like a fool who will never see the truth
I keep thinking something's gonna change
But there's a danger in loving somebody too much
And its sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are
Baby sometimes love just ain't enough
And there's no way home
when it's late at night and you're all alone
Are there things that you wanted to say
Do you feel me beside you in your bed
there beside you where I used to lay
And there's a Danger in Loving somebody too much
And it's sad when you know it's your heart they can't touch
There's a reason why people don't stay who they are
Cause baby sometimes love just ain't enough
Baby sometimes love just ain't enough
(-A song by Stef Sun, used to have this MP3 in the laptop; sent to me by Shijian. Was lying in the bunk on the 1st night of the ATF when I heard this song over the radio, had been listening to put myself to sleep; but instead the whole night I was tossing and turning around, and thinking.. )
Written:Patty Smyth/Glen Burtnik Vocal:Patty Smyth/Don Henley
I don't wanna lose you,
I don't wanna use you
just to have sombody by my side
And I don't wanna hate you
I don't wanna take you
But I don't wanna be the one to cry
That don't really matter to anyone, anymore
But like a fool I keep losing my place
And I keep seeing you walk through that door
But there's a danger in loving somebody too much
And its sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are
Baby sometimes love just ain't enough
Now I could never change you
I don't wanna blame you
Baby you don't have to take the fall
Yes I may have hurt you
But I did not desert you
Maybe I just want to have it all
It makes a sound like thunder
It makes me feel like rain
And like a fool who will never see the truth
I keep thinking something's gonna change
But there's a danger in loving somebody too much
And its sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are
Baby sometimes love just ain't enough
And there's no way home
when it's late at night and you're all alone
Are there things that you wanted to say
Do you feel me beside you in your bed
there beside you where I used to lay
And there's a Danger in Loving somebody too much
And it's sad when you know it's your heart they can't touch
There's a reason why people don't stay who they are
Cause baby sometimes love just ain't enough
Baby sometimes love just ain't enough
(-A song by Stef Sun, used to have this MP3 in the laptop; sent to me by Shijian. Was lying in the bunk on the 1st night of the ATF when I heard this song over the radio, had been listening to put myself to sleep; but instead the whole night I was tossing and turning around, and thinking.. )
Friday, June 06, 2003
Yesterday, received an concerned email from Auntie Wu asking me why I posted the lyrics of her favourite boyband 5566 in the previous blog. Hee hee.. I happened to hear the song over the radio a few days back when I was on my way home, liked the song when the show was on, so decided to dig out the lyrics and post it online. Actually she was right, I was in quite a low mood when I heard the song but now I'm alright again. I've even forgotten about what I was sad about, recently I do have quite a lot of things on my mind, but actually I'm not really bothered by any of them yet, it was just many passing issues. At times, I think I was really not myself and seemed to be lost in thoughts, partly also due to the tiring discussions for the course and also many other odds and ends stuff. I'm even sleeping earlier than usual lately due to the tiredness. But IPC is still quite fun, especially on Wednesday when we went for a very fast hike up Bt Timah hill, and then the prata feast for breakfast. Later, we will be having telematch at East Coast and then there'll be a break during the weekend before they start the course next Monday. It's quite nice when we have lots of time to have such activities rather than getting stuck in HQ all the time. But I had really decided that this will be my last time (for CIBTC at least), and I'm already halfway into 'retirement' stage. I've observed how the rest of them work and I think they are really very good on their own, their thought process is even better than me at times, so I'm quite satisfied with it.
Last night when I'm home, was quite irritated that my younger sister had shifted her mattress into my room and she had decided to sleep there everynight. Well anyway, the next two weeks I'm only spending a few nights at home but still, it's quite atrocious. I can't understand why she can't sleep on her own all of the sudden when the past 5 years she had been doing just that. I think her imagination is really running wild. SIgh.. When I'm back home after the next few weeks, I'll surely chase her out. Anyway, I've decided to bring my journal along to the campsite as we have a lot of free time at night and I think I will have a lot of thoughts to pen down. Will not have the time to update my blog much for the next few weeks..
Last night when I'm home, was quite irritated that my younger sister had shifted her mattress into my room and she had decided to sleep there everynight. Well anyway, the next two weeks I'm only spending a few nights at home but still, it's quite atrocious. I can't understand why she can't sleep on her own all of the sudden when the past 5 years she had been doing just that. I think her imagination is really running wild. SIgh.. When I'm back home after the next few weeks, I'll surely chase her out. Anyway, I've decided to bring my journal along to the campsite as we have a lot of free time at night and I think I will have a lot of thoughts to pen down. Will not have the time to update my blog much for the next few weeks..